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How self -sacrifice spoils relationships

Relations are impossible without compromises, but you can’t suppress yourself constantly. The psychologist Amy Gordon explains when it is possible and necessary to make concessions, and when it will only harm you and relationships.

You asked your husband to buy milk, and he forgot. Your friends who do not like your pair were invited to dinner. In the evening after work you are both tired, but someone must put the child to sleep. Conflicts of desires are inevitable, but it is not always clear how to react to them.

The first option is to focus on your own desires and complain about the lack of milk, refuse dinner and persuade her husband to lay the child. The second option is to suppress your desires and put in the first place a partner’s needs: do not swear because of milk, agree to dinner and let your husband rest while you read fairy tales for the night.

However, suppressing emotions and desires is dangerous. This conclusion was reached by a group of psychologists from the University of Toronto Missauga under the leadership of Emily Impett. In 2012, they conducted an experiment: partners who suppressed their needs demonstrated a decrease in emotional well -being and satisfaction from relations. Moreover, they often thought that we needed to part with a partner.

If you are pushing your needs to the background for the sake of a partner, it does not bring him benefit – he https://duklapragueawaykit.com/triangle-eternel-mari-femme-amant/ feels your true emotions, even if you are trying to hide them. All these small sacrifices and suppressed emotions accumulate. And the more people sacrifice interests for the sake of a partner, the deeper they plunge into depression – this has proven a study by a group of psychologists from Denver University under the leadership of Sarah Witton.

But sometimes the victims are necessary to maintain a family and relationships. Someone must lay the child. How to make concessions without risk to fall into depression, scientists from the Catholic University of Fujen found out in Taiwan. They interviewed 141 married couple and made sure that frequent sacrifices were jeopardized by personal and social well -being: partners who often suppressed their desires were less satisfied with marriage and more often suffered from depression than people who were less likely to concessions.

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